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Caspian’s guide to getting the girl

Caspian Cavalier is a second-semester service dog major with a concentration in snuggling. He enjoys making friends when he is off-duty, so please say hello if you ever catch him without his vest on.

Women. Mysterious creatures. Strange. Hypnotizing. Dangerous. Many men fear to approach women and rightly so. As the most popular male on campus, I am often asked, “How do you get the ladies?” So here are my top tips.

Photo by Alexandria Ramirez
  1. Make contact. Sitting and staring at a woman— without ever introducing yourself—will not get you a girlfriend. I have found a foolproof way to meet women: sneak up behind her and lick her ankles. Women are pleasantly surprised and charmed by this display of affection.
  2. Put your best foot forward. Be polite and respectful. Women are like black widow spiders—if they do not like you, they might bite you. And for the love of all romance, avoid Axe body spray. Women have been known to leave the country and change their names when confronted by a man wearing Axe body spray. Instead, try sniffing around for a good patch of mud—or better yet, goose poop—and roll around in that. Women adore men who are down to earth. 
  3. Ask her out on a date. Find a common interest, and invite her to partake in that activity with you. Be sure to offer to pay—women love free stuff. A great date for beginners, which I often use myself, is an afternoon of fetch. Let her throw the toy, then run after it as fast as you can and retrieve it for her. This is fun for everyone and has the added benefit of demonstrating to the lady just how athletic you are. 
  4. After a few dates, ask the woman to be your girlfriend. Be sure to be understanding if she says no—remember that black widow thing. If she says yes, congratulations! Your next trick is working toward Ring By Spring. 
Photo by Alexandria Ramirez


This piece was submitted as a letter by ORU student and service-dog trainer Elora Dodd. 



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