Press "Enter" to skip to content

A letter to my freshman self

Hey there, little freshman, with your big blue eyes and your unsure heart. You feel unworthy now, darling, as though everyone else has had a leg up in this journey but you. You wander around campus in your worn jean shorts and baby blue t-shirt and feel foreign in your own skin. You gaze at the older girls and even other freshman with long silky hair and boyish figures and deceptively clear skin and you long, with every fiber of your being, to be like them.

You determine that one day; you will become the person of your Pinterest. You will be perfect.

Listen to me, girl.

You are not your clothes or your size or the brands you wear or the jokes you make or the boys you attract.

You are not even the fun you have.

You are beautiful in this special and fantastic way. You shine, but you don’t see it yet. You have talent and purpose, and you’re going to do something great with your life. But don’t worry about it. Go to your classes and be your aggressive, type-A self, determined to win even when there is no prize. You won’t regret it.

You hear the voice of God, darling, and you flow in His spirit. Don’t let worry grip you into that spiral. You know the one. Don’t lay there, going in pointless mind-mazes of possibilities to improve yourself.

You are more than what people think of you.

You’re going to fall, and fail, and have your heart shattered into a million pieces.

You’re going to become someone so different, only to have it taken away. Questions will flood your mind.

But remember His love. Remember, no matter what, that His love will never leave you. His love is your pulse, for as long as blood pumps through your delicate blue veins.

You’re going to make these friends, these amazing beautiful souls crafted in God’s own image, and you’re going to get the pleasure of loving them.

You’re going to go under warm water and emerge with Jesus’ name on your lips. You’ll take His name with you to the red-light district in Germany and you’ll be scared, oh so scared, but you’ll stand up anyway because of grace and because people are worth it. They’re worth it.

You’re going fly to Paris and come back and realize that your reality is a gift. That these people who make up your everyday will make up your eternity. That years down the road, they will be the people who you call when the baby takes the first step and you’re on your last breath.

You’re going to get more stylish, thankfully. And realize that clothes do not determine value, they are simply an artistic statement of yourself. You’re going to realize that you care a lot more about the people underneath the layers and the small talk.

You’re going to be okay, darling.

You’re going to thrive, I promise.

Don’t look compare yourself or care about those people who don’t pay attention to you. Focus on loving passionately and spreading kindness as though it were free of sacrifice.

You are beloved, so rest in that. Know that all of this stuff, this crazy hard and not fun stuff, is creating a strength in you. Today is not the end, so learn to enjoy this process. Smile.