Strategic media freshman Sarahbeth Sturm went viral last semester after recording her male peers “marching” around a women’s residential hall, which was inspired by the famous march around the city of Jericho in the biblical Book of Joshua.
Obviously posing it as a joke, the first-year men were hoping the women would “fall” for them the way the walls of Jericho fell for the Israelites. It was obviously posed as a joke, but the hype around Sturm’s video sparked a broader conversation: “Why is dating such a big deal at ORU?”
“There are expectations for every college [student] to find a spouse,” said education sophomore Elliana Hiebert. “I think for Christians, a Christian college is kind of the ideal place and ideal time” to find someone to marry.
Freshmen, however, don’t necessarily jump straight into dating. Two East RA Dane Edwards has freshman males “seeking wise counseling.”
“More than a very healthy amount of the freshman guys are in a place where they’re like, ‘I don’t even want to date a girl first semester,’” Edwards said. “They have established enough of a relationship with the Lord to look internally at themselves and say, ‘I’m not ready.’”
Nearly 60% of Christian college students feel pressure to marry while at school, according to a 2023 study “Race to the Altar,” published by Whitworth University.
Among the students who feel pressured to get married, however, 92% are women, according to the study. Male students feel much less hurried to get into relationships.
Strategic media freshman Joshua Cook, one of the students who marched around the towers last fall, said“ a group of guys” in his hall “vowed” to not date their first semester at ORU.
“A couple of sophomores stood up and gave a speech of what their experience was their freshman year, and the different things they suggested,” Cook said. “They said it’s good to make friends, but do not recommend starting a relationship until after your freshman year.”
Some students, however, seem to approach dating “as a sport,” said Dr. Ronnie Gaines, a specialist in marriage counseling and an assistant professor in the Department of Undergraduate Theology’s Practical Ministries.
“I don’t think we date with an end goal in mind,” Gaines said.
Despite the pressure that many feel to get married, nearly 90% of
Christian college students graduate single — neither married nor engaged, according to the Whitworth University study.
ORU students need to know it’s OK to leave college without a ring, Gaines said.
“The culture now is to get married at a later date
anyway,” Gaines said. “When you finish college, you’re not doomed for life just because you finished without a date.”
Tension comes from the way students often spiritualize every stage of attraction, Gaines said, explaining that Christians can put pressure on themselves to discern whether a date is “the one God sent,” long before a relationship has even begun.
“We over-spiritualize it,” Gaines said. “My wife and I met at a very young age, I wasn’t thinking about, ‘Is this the right one that God sent my way? ’She was a great-looking girl, and I was physically attracted to her. So maybe we need to put aside, ‘Oh, God, please send me the right one. ’Just let it be more organic.”
Nonetheless, some students feel anxious about potentially missing out on “the one” God has intended for them. Others worry about being spiritually or socially left behind if they don’t get married soon after graduation.
Gaines’ advice is to worry less.
“I’ve been here for 15 years, and I’ve heard it: ‘Ring by spring,’” he said. “It’s too much pressure. Listen, we’ve got plenty of time.”
